Let's Begin

          I had another blog once.  That one I cannot seem to get rid of.  All the posts are gone, but the blog is still there.  It amazes me how so much can change.  Lost in the shadows was written a long time ago.  A *long* time ago.  Middle school.  Talk about drama.  Not that high school is any different.  That blog was my escape from the world around me, even though I mostly wrote about my life in it!  I never realized how dramatic everything really was.  Still don't.  In all honesty, I really don't care.  Everything is different now.  Starting with this blog.

          It is actually pretty hard for me to write.  I don't know if this is ever going to make a difference in my life, and, also, I can hardly stay on track.  Along with my mind that seems to wander off, there are the outside distractions of family and my phone.  Like almost every teenager that I know, my phone is by my side always.  A very trusty companion.  Despite it letting me see those messages or calls or Facebook notifications I dread to see. 

          Currently I am at my uncle's.  My home away from home.  A place where I can get a break from family issues and friends.  It does get lonely here during the day.  No one but his four birds to keep me company.  Then around 6 he and his wife are home from a long day at work.  That is when I feel comfortable to socialize.  When it is just the three of us, there's a normal conversation.  One of my aunt's son will come down every once in a while from his room (that is: when he is actually here), and they will all talk and I will sit there and listen.  Why?  Why don't I engage into a normal conversation with my cousin?  Well, we don't really know each other.  Over the 11 years of my uncle's marriage to Lisa, I have never really gotten to know her sons and daughter.  I guess they tolerate me.  I try my best to stay out of the spot light in the house when they are around.  When it is thrown on me, all of a sudden cotton is stuffed in my mouth and all I can manage is a quiet, wimpy "huh?" while I try to get my brain to function properly!  Today, for instance, I have been here watching Awkward. for hours upon hours.  I heard the door open so I went downstairs.  I hear a baby and two female voices.  Lisa, her daughter Alyssa, and the granddaughter Ivy.  I was thrilled to have Ivy here.  Then I slowly remembered part of a conversation we had had the night before.  Alyssa was having a birthday party for one of her bother's girlfriend.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized, there will be people here.  Not just the three of us.  More like 9. 10 counting the baby.  This is the day that I would go upstairs into the guest room and hide.  And that, my friends, is what I am doing right now.